I started this blog shortly after infertility reared its ugly head as we tried to grow our family. I wanted a place to keep up with family, subtly broach the subject without having to face direct questions, and to journal about the grief and raw pain that inevitably come with infertility.
I've blogged a good deal about our journey, so I won't recap that all here. Feel free to click on the 'Infertility' label on the right sidebar to read more of our journey. It is my hope and prayer that the Lord may use something I have written to shed a little light in the midst of your own storm. And sometimes, we just need to know that we're not alone on a dark and lonely road.
I do not write this blog from 'the other side' of infertility. We were a family of two the day we were married, and it appears that the Lord intended for our family to remain that way. To my knowledge, I have never been pregnant. We have seen the Lord quietly close all the doors to parenthood (ARTs, fostering, adoption) as we traveled this road and we stand here today as we did on the day we wed: a family of two.
Yet, the Lord in His awesome love and grace has provided us His miracle. It is not the miracle we longed and prayed for, but a miracle it is. We love our life. We may not have chosen it, but through the miracle of God's peace and His healing, we have embraced our life as two. There is such joy and fullness here. We are not lacking in good things or blessings because we are not parents. Our good things simply look different than the good things of those around us, but we are knee-deep in blessing.
I won't pretend the pain of infertility is gone; grief changes you. The loss of a dream so grand leaves a scar on the heart, despite being healed. I also won't pretend I don't still occasionally feel betrayed by my body's inability to do what comes so naturally to (seemingly) everyone around me. And there are still times I wince at a pregnancy or adoption announcement. But the pain has certainly lessened; the truly dark days are a thing of the past. I've regained my ability to interact with children, even dote on them. It's a truly amazing, seemingly impossible thing...
I wish I could tell you how your story ended. I can't promise you a child at the end of your road. I can, however, be witness to the faithfulness of God in the midst of the storm. He is near, faithful and strong enough to bear you up through all of this. Lean on Him, even when it feels easier to be angry with Him.
Infertility is a painful, lonely, often misunderstood road. If you need someone to chat to, please feel free to email me. Or better yet, check out Hannah's Prayer Ministry for some of the most amazing support you could imagine.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~ Ephesians 3:16-21
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