It's the most wonderful time of the year...

And it should be, really. Celebrating and remembering the birth of our Lord and Saviour should be purely a cause for joy. Even in Christian circles, however, we associate so much more with Christmas that it becomes a difficult time for many.

Those struggling with infertility find this time of year especially difficult. We come to family gatherings keenly aware of the fact that our family is 'less'... whether incomplete or missing children (due to loss). I think an informal poll would show that nearly all infertile couples have dreamed of a Christmas announcement... imagine the joy of telling family and friends that a long-awaited dream has come true!

Even though we know better than to adopt the world's definition of family (picture that set of new parents with the newborn in the jewelry commercial...), we feel inadequate. We hold off making family Christmas traditions, deeply desiring to make traditions that involve our children like so many others are able to do.

Len and I consider ourselves a complete family of two. We love our life, and our path to parenthood has ended. We are now simply living the life God chose for us.

And we are still infertile. If I had forgotten, the past few weeks have reminded me. Last weekend I snuggled a sweet little baby while I fed her a bottle and as I sat there, I was awash with a familiar, painful longing; that soft, warm weight of trust in my arms reminded me of what I don't have. While not the deep, cutting pain of prior years, the bruise on my heart felt tender again.

For those still desiring parenthood, the pain is deep. Cutting. Family gatherings, crowded shopping malls full of strollers and lines to sit on Santa's knee, commercials filled with 'perfect' family moments, even church Christmas programs filled with performing children... the heaviness of those empty arms can be overwhelming.

They are trying to push past the pain, grief and longing. But chances are very good that they're struggling.  Maybe they're reeling from another pregnancy announcement, or just learned that their latest treatment cycle failed; maybe the baby they lost six months ago should have been due very soon; perhaps they are opening their hearts to attempt the adoption paper trail again, and are feeling fragile and afraid.  The faces of infertility and loss are many and varied.

But they're trying...

And I'd like to exhort you that it falls to you, as a brother and sister to them in Christ Jesus, to support them. Drop them a line. Give them a quick hug after church and tell them you're praying for them. Let them bow out of a family function gracefully if they need the space. Understand if, in a valiant attempt to find a new tradition for their family, they decline to attend yours. Or just pray for them.

And they're not the only ones trying.  This list is in no way exhaustive, but if your compassion could extend to these individuals as well:

• The single, widowed, or divorced individuals -  while perhaps they are still surrounded by extended family and friends, on some level it is hard to shake the feeling of 'alone'.
• The grieving - whether fresh grief or old, family gatherings can be painful reminders of those who are not with us anymore.
• Those who struggle with depression, anxiety or mental illness - With fewer hours of daylight and grey, dreary skies this time of year can be extremely painful and difficult; multiple family gatherings can require more energy than they have to attend.
• Those who struggle with invisible illness, terminal illness or chronic pain - As I mentioned above, often the social demand is increasingly high at this time of year, and it can be difficult for those with finite energy to attend.
• Those who are struggling in their faith - Perhaps there are those who are struggling to look past their circumstances to see the unfailing, unwavering character of God.
• Those who are unemployed -  Not being able to find work can strain finances, but also cause a lot of emotional anxiety and and uncertainty.
• Those who serve in the military - Don't forget the military families that are apart due to deployments, and even our wounded warriors who are unable to celebrate because they are hurting and healing.
• Pastors and their families - I imagine the burden of pastoral care is greater at this time of year...

I know there are more... please leave a comment to add to the list so that I can be praying and be made aware of others who could benefit from the compassion and love of Christ!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~ Hebrews 12:1-3